I've always had an open adoption and I’m so grateful. for that. My birth family and my adoptive family both have a great importance, but in different ways. In my adoptive family, they compiled this big book of all the ancestors. It had the great grandparents, all the way back to the 1800s. I was looking at it and felt so proud that my name was in it: I'm in it! But at the same time it was like there was something missing. It didn’t really feel like that was MY history. I also have photos of birth mother and birth family and letters from them too. Those things are so treasured to me. Even as a child, I would keep them in a special little box and look at them whenever I felt any emotion that drew me there.
I always wished when I was little and still now, that I had a picture of my [birth] family - just so I could say “oh, my birth mother has the same eyes as me or, “I look more like my dad.” Just have those things that I look like somebody else in the world. I don't have that, but I do wish I did.
I'm in an open relationship with my birth mom, but I find it uncomfortable. I know that she gave me birth, but I have no connection with her. It's kinda awkward when I go talk to her because she doesn't know my life story and she thinks that she's still my mom, but I just don't feel connected to her at all.